Sunday, May 27, 2007

*Sigh*

I'm not in the best of moods. Just in a funk, I suppose. Haven't really been posting much lately.

I'll get better. I've just kinda been missing Ex lately. It's hard seeing him with someone new. I gave him three years of my life and had a baby with him, after all.

And I get kicked to the curb in return.

Fuck it.

I always had myself classified as one of those, "I don't need no stinkin' man." types. Turns out that yea, maybe I was a bit overconfident in that respect. Not that I NEED a man, per say. Just that I really do like having one around.

Cuddling is nice. Having someone to watch scary movies with is nice. (Because me? I'm a total chicken shit, and I will have to sleep with the lights on if I watch anything alone. Because when I saw Blair Witch Project and went to bed that night, my warped brain totally SAW a hand coming over the edge of the bed to grab me and, omigod, now I'm traumatized.)

Anyway.

I miss him. I've been fighting it but I do indeed miss his sorry ass.

This gets better, right?


P.S. My plants are growing like mad. This makes me slightly happier. Can't wait for flowers to bloom!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Self Pity Bonanza

Today I'm going to whine.

Because yea, guess what I'm doing today? I'm sitting at home. While all my friends go to the beach. And I wanna go to the motherfuckin' beach.

But I can't, as I have no one to watch Little One, and what would I do with a four month old at the beach?

You know, I'm only 22. I still want to DO stuff. I am not really at the point in my life where I am perfectly content sitting at home all day changing diapers and wiping up drool. I dearly love my daughter, of course. And I love spending time with her and watching her goofy grins and watching her try her damndest to sit up and then getting her mad face when she can't.

But still.

That's ALL I DO.

I get out of the house to go grocery shopping. Or to check the mail. Or to go buy diapers.

Step back! I'm crazy and out of control! Put me on motherfuckin' Mommies Gone Wild!

I don't even really like the beach here. The water's a nasty browny-grey color and there's seaweed everywhere and I don't really like how itchy saltwater makes me feel, but that's not the point. The point is, everyone else is going, and when they call to invite me, it's all, "Oh, yea. I guess you don't have a babysitter, huh? That sucks. Well gotta go. Have fun playing peek a boo."

You know?

I know I should be grateful to have my daughter and count my blessings because so many women can't even have kids and so forth. And I am. I really really am.

I just wish I could have maybe a teensy tiny bit of a life, too.

And it's not like I have a husband who can be all, "Oh go take a bath honey, I'll watch her" or "Go out with your friends, we'll be ok for a little bit." (I know, You're probably all laughing hysterically at the idea of a husband that actually does that kinda thing, but this is my fantasy life, kay?) Because my husband? He ran off with some little tramp.

I really don't mean to sound like an ungrateful bitch, it's just some days I sit there making faces at my kiddo and somewhere in the back of my head I'm thinking, Is this all I'm going to do for the rest of my life? Ever? Sit here and make faces and wipe up formula?

I dunno. It's just the 24/7 baby thing with no one around to help or even have an adult conversation with is just kinda getting to me.

*sigh*

I'll be better tomorrow, I promise.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Woot! They Live!


My Morning Glories are growing! Having never had plants before I'm kinda surprised at how giddy I feel seeing those little leaves pop out of the dirt. Soon I shall be one of those people whose porches look like someone transplanted the Amazon outside their front door. You half expect to see a monkey pop out at any second. Yay for me.

Also the dates on this (borrowed) digital camera are not right. And I have no clue how to fix it. Oh well.

I got tagged for a meme by this lady.

The gist, I believe, is that you link to five bloggers you've never linked to before.

So, in no particular order:

1. Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper

2. Attack Of The Redneck Mommy

3. random mommy. limited cleverness.

4. Joy Unexpected

5. Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual


There we go. Since I amaze one and all with my laziness I tag EVERYONE! I hereby declare this a meme free for all. Have at it.

Little One has topped 11 pounds! She gained 10 ounces in 1 week! So those docs can shove it up their you-know-what. She is just going to be dainty and that's all there is to it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Plant Madness!



I got plants! Yay me. I know it's lame but there's not a single plant in this house and I felt it was high time I added some. Ivys are tough, right? Cause I'm plant retarded.

If you all promise not to have heart attacks I might post some pictures of my snakes next. They're pretty, I promise.

Anyway that's about it from me. Little One is finally packing on weight, yay for her!

I have actually begun speaking via myspace messages to Ex's chic. (She made the first move). He better watch out, we're going to start comparing notes and wind up kicking his ass. It's not really a friendship per say so much as a "Why's he doing this?!" kind of thing. I am, after all, the expert on his asshole ways. I think he's cheating on her. Kharma's a bitch, for sure.

Uhg, that's about it for me.

Friday, May 11, 2007

To Hell With Dial Up, Anyway

So I haven't been posting much. The battle dial up requires to do the simplest damn things just annoys me too much to struggle into my account most days.

Anyway, not too much going on here. Ex has started trying to turn this whole thing around on me by insisting that I have cheated on him with an old guy friend of mine that I've been friends with since eighth grade. Which I didn't. But I suppose it makes him feel better to try and turn things around on me so that he doesn't have to feel bad.

Whatever.

People with road rage need to, you know, not drive, because the crappy Honda Civic that tried to swerve back and forth in front of me and motioned for me to pull over so the four ghetto fabulous guys in it could get out and whip my ass or whatever, while my daughter is in the car, yea, they need to not be on the road. My meek little Chevy Malibu stomped their ass in my daring getaway, though. Let them take that back to cracktown and tell their homies. Uhg.

Anybody else have unfufilled dreams? When I was about to graduate, my friend and I were planning to take off across the country on a whirlwind tour of the national parks. I have a yearning to see nature and trees and smell fresh air so deep it almost pains me. I long to hike up a mountain and look out across a green valley and actually breath smog free air and listen to the sounds of nature without hearing cars and sirens and crap. Sadly, the trip didn't work out. What with one thing and another I ended up having to work full time to pay bills since SOMEONE *coughexcough* couldn't hold down a job, so I never got to take my road trip. I was staring at a RV the other day just daydreaming away about using the money from when I finally sell the house to buy one and just take off.

I know I can't.

But it's nice to dream, isn't it?

Anyone else have stuff they never got to do?

Friday, May 4, 2007

Back Again

Well I'm back!

I'm temporarily using crappy dial up *uhg* so it's amazingly irritating slogging through pages at the speed of smell-but at least I'm online again.

All is well here. Little One and I are doing fine, though we did have a scare when her new doctor found a heart murmer and we had to whisk her off to the cardiologist for testing, but nothing is wrong. Just a small, benign heart murmer, no holes or leaks or anything.

Other than that it's been the same old wildly boring life.

Really, I can't much think of anything to post about. I have a mild case of writer's block at the moment. Someone tag me for a meme or something, please!