Saturday, March 3, 2007


He's gone.

When he came home today, we talked. And it's over. The explanation he gives for the way he's been acting is that he wanted to leave me before I ever got pregnant. After I was pregnant he said he decided to try to stay and work it out. But that he can't. So, somehow, instead of me kicking him out, he dumps me.

I've been living a lie for damn year a near now. Or he has anyway. Funny how his desire to break up with me didn't extend far enough to stop having sex with me.

So he is gone. I can't quite believe it. I feel like someone hit me with a bat, right in the face. Like someone is tearing me apart from the inside out. I keep wandering around the house, feeling lost. I thought I would take it better than this, but as soon as I closed the door after him, and locked it, it hit me. He is gone. There is no working this out. It's over. I tell you, my king sized bed never looked so freaking huge, now that I am going to be sleeping there alone.

I have spent nearly every day of the last three years with this guy, and now he won't be there anymore. I will wake up alone, and go to sleep alone.

His dad is so angry with him for this, he told him he's not welcome in his house anymore.

I can only imagine what his sister will say. She will probably come down and beat the shit out of him herself.

I know I have other people that love me and the baby, and they are all willing to support me and help me out all they can. But right now, that doesn't make me feel better. Right now, all I can think is how much this fucking hurts.